lost.

i didn't know i went missing.
because i've been here all along.


18 months, 11 days ago.
i almost cried that day.
because i didn't forget.

after a year and a half of unbreakable friendship sisterhood, something broke us apart. to this day, i can't pinpoint what went wrong; maybe it was our lack of trust in each other, or just bad timing, but whatever it was, it sent a dagger through my pathetic little heart and it left me facing the world all on my own. i've never felt more alone actually, but the hardest part was knowing i couldn't fix it.

i regret the things i've said and the things i've done, or let be done. you have to understand that anger, pain, and sadness together, form the ugliest mask, and sometimes my poetic language grows disgusting. For all of that, I do apologize, you didn't exactly deserve it. as far as promises go, i recall them all. i also recall all the times i was let down by those same promises. it sounds unfair, but after a while i began to mistrust the promises.

i miss it on a daily basis.
i miss having someone to talk to.
i miss passing notes.
i miss the photos.
i miss the bestfriend days.
i miss the inside jokes.
i miss the dinosaurs.
i miss the videos.
i miss the teasing.
i miss having a best friend.

we agreed to move on from this.
but i feel like you (metaphorically) died along with our friendship, and that everyday i see the ghost of it. i'm often left wondering how much different things would be if we had stayed bestfriends.
i don't know how, or if it could happen.
but, best friends it's something i definitely like to get back to.

i miss my best friend.
i guess that's all i had to say.

my photobucket is the same way. along with like all of my pictures. i couldn't change them, because that would mean excepting it. & who says i'm happy with these new friends?!?! maybe i just learned to put on a brave front.